Temples and Timelines

Hi Again on this blog! 

I appreciate the posts from Mary and Jared.  Also I know Dad was working on an email about family councils.  I don’t know if Dad read my previous post, but I’m glad he and I are thinking some of the same thoughts.

We are so grateful for the blessings of the temple.  Dad and I went on Valentine’s Day and did initiatory.  With the family names I had, I could clearly feel gratitude from them.  I felt they were close by.  We are so fortunate to have this Star Valley Temple so close.

 

From the Open House, this was a backdrop in the Welcome Center

President Nelson often speaks about staying on the covenant path.  I’m trying to learn more about this.  I appreciate any insights from any of you of how I can better do this.  I feel profoundly grateful for the strength of temple covenants that extend to our posterity. 

I think of Marion Robinson’s recent passing, which refreshed my memory about my sister, Linda’s, passing.  Her funeral filled the stake center too.  She was only 32 years old.  Bryce was 6 weeks old.   I was also reminded of Brian Bradshaw’s passing, which was the first funeral experience for some of you.  The viewing and funeral of Marion was James’ first experience.  He had never been to a viewing before.  Or at least he didn’t remember Brian’s. And although I know it is so very different, the deaths of Buddy and Copper, I think helped prepare James for the experience with Marion.

 What a comfort for all of us, like it is for Vera Lyn and DeeAnne, to know of the sealing promises of the temple ordinances.  We only have to say, “see you later” and not good-bye.  Dad says that in Dutch, the word for good-bye is never used because it’s so final.  That’s why it’s generally, “tot ziens” which means “until seen later”.

I shared in an email already, something else I learned from Marion and DeeAnne is their motto, “no empty chairs”.   Temple covenants make that possible.

As John shared this thought from a talk by President Eyring about that too:  “In many of our homes, there are the words ‘Our Family Can Be Together Forever.’ There is a gravestone near my home of a mother and grandmother. She and her husband were sealed in the temple of God to each other and to their posterity for time and all eternity. The inscription on the gravestone reads, “Please, no empty chairs.” She asked for that inscription because she knew that whether the family will be together depends on the choices each family member makes. The word “please” is there because neither God nor she can compel another to choose happiness. And there is Satan, who wants misery, not happiness, in families in this life and in the next.”

Another thing on my mind, maybe precipitated by Marion’s passing, but also by Grandpa’s recent surgery is caring for aging parents.

Some information I learned recently in one of my classes discusses how longevity is increasing and adults today are far more likely to have living grandparents than in previous generations.

This picture with Grandma and Grandpa and Esther was taken the day she left for her mission.  Grandma and Grandpa have been blessed with good health.  They are still very capable in many ways.  Hopefully when Grandpa gets his other cataract surgery done, he’ll be able to get his driver’s license renewed.  He has driven some even without it, which is a little scary. 

One of the motivations to move to Star Valley was to be nearer to all of you.  Since then some have moved farther away.  But maybe some of them will come back eventually closer?  Another motivation was to be near Grandma and Grandpa to assist them.  Dad has certainly spent many, many, many hours helping.  James and I help too.  I don’t know what will happen in the future, but we try to live each day helpful and aware. 

Dad and I never want to be a burden to any of our children.  We have been discussing more about our future and making better attempts at completing our will.  We hope to have that done soon, at least in its simplest form.  When we get our thoughts more clearly outlined we will share them with all of you.  Maybe a good time will be at our reunion in the summer.

 

We appreciate the wonderful children and grandchildren all of you are.  We feel all of you honor your parents very well and that you will be blessed for your kindness to us.

We love you.

Mom and Dad

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng

Some Introspection School Style

These are some thoughts I recently wrote for a school assignment.  I want to share them with you.  I told Jared that I wish I had known some of the things I've been learning in school earlier in my life, earlier in my journey as a wife and mother.  I told him I would be a much better mother today if I did.  He replied very wisely.  In effect he said, "It's in the process that we become better.  I would be a much better missionary today than when I was on my mission.  Learning how to be a missionary while being a missionary was the growing process."  (Maybe he'll comment and clarify his exact thoughts.) 

Talking to another one of our children she said "I expect my kids to have some damage from how I'm raising them.  It's just part of the process."  

So while I deeply apologize for any damage done to my children, I know I was learning.  I know I was being taught "on the job" and I'm grateful for all of your patience and forgiveness.  I know you all turned out very well in spite of your mother.  I can offer now that I'm better than I've ever been and will keep striving to do all I can to show you my love.

And now the school thoughts -

My Mother and Father

            Father - My father was the oldest of three sons.  His parents relied heavily upon him to be responsible, work hard and set a proper example.  My dad is generally concerned about appearances to others, maybe due to that position in his family.  He excelled at football, as the quarterback, and loves to re-live those glory days.  The sense of being a star feels important to him.  My father spent most of his career as a life insurance salesman.  He was always very social and this personality trait fit well with that profession.  We often hosted ward parties, family reunions, team dinners, etc. at our home.  I’m naturally extroverted so that social example was one I also have incorporated in my adult life and marriage

My father continually looked for side jobs or investments, wanting to claim that brass ring; that one big sale that would solve all problems.  This attitude, unfortunately, led to poor financial choices often straining our living circumstances and my parents’ marriage.  This impacts me in the way that I yearn for financial security and complete openness about financial matters.

            My father is extremely patriotic. He served in the Air Force for two years.  I feel a deep love for my country, and a concern to be aware of politics because of his example.       

My father also served a full-time mission.  His gospel commitment deepened because of serving.  Gospel practices were important in our home.  We attended church faithfully.  I often heard my father say, “I sustain the brethren”. 

He was a strict disciplinarian.  I think he sometimes cared more how he looked as a father than how much I was learning.   But his strictness did often help me to stay on track.  As a mother I have sometimes been too strict, too judgmental, too oriented towards justice instead of mercy, just like my father.  Thankfully, my husband tempers that side of me.

Mother - My mother had one older brother.  She was treasured and maybe spoiled a little by her parents.  Her parents encouraged her learning.  She always had a curious mind.  I know my love of learning and discovering comes from my mother.   She loved to read and took us to the library often.  I love to read too.   Libraries are one of my favorite places because of her.  My children and grandchildren now also love libraries and reading.  It’s a powerful legacy.

She graduated from BYU at age 21, two days before getting married.  I will soon be graduating, 40 years after being married, inspired by her encouragement throughout my life.

She wasn’t expected to do many chores in her growing up home, or learn to cook, but to excel in education and other activities.  I think because of this she wasn’t a very good housekeeper.  She worked at it though.  She became a good cook, often trying new recipes. 

She loved to create.  She painted.  She sewed.  She sculpted, built, gardened, and designed.  She often said that we could learn how to do anything if we wanted it, studied about it, and worked for it.  This attitude has helped me with my own life and with my children.  I think because of her very active and creative mind, she was often absent-minded.  She didn’t always follow through enough to complete a project before starting another one.  I often do this too.

She loved being a mother, and later a grandmother.  Her devotion to her children, when she could have had other careers, has blessed me to also prioritize my children.  Tragically, she was killed by a drunk driver at the age of 57 and most of my children have very few memories of my mother. 

Parents’ Relationship

My parents were opposites in many ways.  My mother much more spontaneous and free-spirited.  My father although outwardly sociable with his work and ward, at home was much more stern and withdrawn. 

I rarely saw my parents express affection, but when they did, it made me happy.  I was oblivious to some of the more serious undertones of the tensions in their relationship. I think that’s a protective thing for children.  However my sister just two years older than me occasionally worried that my parents might divorce. 

Now with an adult perspective I can see that my dad was really insecure and portrayed an aura of strength by bullying his wife and children.  I think he was not abusive in any way.  But unapproachable and unyielding.  My mother would often disagree with his discipline, his financial choices and other issues, yet he would rarely listen to her advice or opinion.  So frequently, my mother would go behind his back to soften the punishments or take a course of direction in her personal life that he may not agree with.

They often went out with my father’s clients.  But they didn’t really share many interests other than their children. 

I read later in my mother’s journal that she was working to develop pure love, or charity, for my father.  I believe she reached a point of loving him despite his negativity and that it helped him to become a better man.  After she died, he remarried three times, each marriage lasting only a little more than five years before a divorce.  I think he felt he was a great husband because that is what my mom helped him feel.  But his three ex-wives hadn’t gone through the process my mother did to learn to love him in a Christ-like way.

Overall childhood/teen years

 I had many happy moments as a child.  We often traveled as a family.  I’m the middle of seven children.  My dad was always pleasant on these trips and we felt family unity.  We lived about an hour away from both sets of grandparents.  I have many happy memories with them too.

I think my place in the birth order allowed me to not be the focus of too much attention.  Not until I was a teen, and the oldest at home did my father and I really have conflicts.

As a teen I struggled with many of the typical teen insecurities.  I sometimes confided my worries to my mother, but never sought my dad’s advice unless it was academically or job related.

I grew up in a great ward and felt the support of teachers and leaders.  I felt great strength and encouragement from my siblings.

Positive Areas 

My parents were consistent with family dinners, family home evenings, and family prayer.  They attended the temple frequently.  I believe because they honored their covenants, despite the dysfunction in their relationship, that God filled the gaps.  All of my siblings are devoted to the gospel.

My parents didn’t give up on each other or on us children.  They evolved in their growth and spiritual development too.  I saw changes after I left home and beyond.  Most of their trials brought them closer together and closer to the Lord.

What You Would Do Differently and How to Change

            As mentioned, I’ve been married 40 years.  We only have one child still at home, our 15 year old son.  I’d like to think that my husband and I took the best of both our upbringings and combined it into a new and improved family pattern.  We certainly have disagreed on things.  We are still learning. 

            My husband is a much different father than the father I had.  My husband is much more aware, more hands-on, and more attentive.  We have definitely broken some bad patterns through the years, but some took many years to change.  We’ve never given up on each other either.  We know that in the final realm all of our dysfunctions, disappointments and deficiencies will be swallowed up in the victory of Christ.  Our job now is to keep on that covenant path, as President Nelson has taught, and work towards family exaltation.

My dream

            I think I’ve lived my dream.  Certainly there is much living left, so it’s not over yet.  Also we’ve experienced our share of downs with the ups, but overall, we’ve had a very blessed life.  Going forward, all our children still need attention and parental wisdom at times.  Our grandchildren need us too.  We are living evidence of what Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught about how even if families struggle, but they have charity, they will succeed. 

Focus on where you want to be

We had stake conference today and one talk by Cheryl Moore, wife of the 1st counselor in the Albuquerque Temple Presidency, really resonated with me, that I thought I'd share it with you.  It probably had something to do with the farm story she told.
Cheryl grew up on a farm in Idaho diving tractors and all sorts of equipment to help out on the farm.  When she was twelve or thirteen, her dad need her help to drive the caterpillar combine to cut the wheat.  The caterpillar was different then the equipment she operated in the past.  It had tracts instead of just tires and it was operated by levers instead of a steering wheel.  Her dad gave her a lesson of how everything worked on the way to the field.  When you push on the left brake and move the right lever, it will turn right and when you push on the right brake and move the left lever, it will go left.




I understood a little what Cheryl was saying her because I've had similar crash course lessons and because I've operated a swather similar to the one pictured above with levers as well instead of a steering wheel that was owned by our neighbor, Kevin, in Canon.  Sometimes I felt like I was flying a plane.  Haha.  But it took a bit to master.  As I would push the left lever forward, it would go left, like if I was making a left hand turn, I would keep the right had lever in neutral.  Or sometimes I would pull back a bit on the right had lever while going forward with the left so to not tear up the ground.  When doing a straight pass both hands were on both levers trying to keep it steady.  Sometimes I'd use the brake if I felt I was going to fast to make the turn before speeding up again.  But it's quite a bit different from a steering wheel until you get the knack of it.
So Cheryl had her lesson on the way to the field and then her Dad got out to operate another piece of equipment.  Cheryl gave it a go and pushed a little on the left and saw the combine going too far that way and then pushed back on the right and then corrected again with the left, too far and a little to the right again.  Her dad signaled her to stop.  (And this is the point in my head when I thought he was going to tell her to get out and he would take over)  But she said her dad came up into the combine and put his arm around her and said, "Cheryl, you're getting this. You can do this."  And then he told her to look behind her and see where she's been.


And she said, "You know those beautiful straight rows you see of wheat.  Well, that wasn't my row.  It was back and forth and zig zagged."  "That's where you've been," her dad said.  And then her dad told her to look forward and find a point ahead of her to go.  "Focus on where you want to be." he said.




Cheryl related this to focusing on the celestial spot that we want to be and pointing ourselves and our families to the temple.
But I think this can relate to our family as well.  And that we can look behind us and see that sometimes we haven't communicated the best and sometimes we have zigged and zagged and we don't always make a straight line.  But if we only look back and see that we've only been bad at this and we have made a lot of mistakes, then that's where our focus will be.  But if we focus on where we want to go think of specific ideas on what we can do to improve our communication and our family relationships, then that's where we can be.
I feel like we've noticed this for a while.  I tried to make it a conversation at the reunion around Joshua's wedding of how we also need to share our hard times with each other as well as the good.  And I've noticed it with Grandma Erickson, when I was writing her story, she had a difficult time sharing those things that were hard in her life.  Noticing a need for change is the first step.  And then thinking of ways to change is the next.  Maybe you have ten minutes when you drive somewhere or walk to class to call a family member.  I have 30 minute recess from 10-1030, that I use sometimes to call family members.  Or maybe just a 'thinking of you' text and 'I hope your day is well' or 'can we talk tomorrow?'  And what works for some may not work for others.  Some say they feel more connected with WhatApp and they aren't likely to write a post.  Others like a phone conversations, while some would prefer a text.  Each act we do, may seem small but it makes a difference. Then with greater focus and intent, I'm pretty sure our rows will improve and be straighter. And we'll be where we want to be.

Counseling in our Councils

Hey Everyone!

This week in my FAML 100 class we learned about counseling in our councils.

We learned the technique that the quorum of the 12 uses.  They meet every Thursday.  An agenda is sent out in advance so everyone knows what will be discussed.  This gives everyone time to ponder their own thoughts.

When the quorum meets, they pray.  Then they take time to express love and appreciation for one another.


Next they begin to discuss the items on the agenda.  Each person gets a voice on each topic.  A couple of talks we listened to mentioned the very differing opinions and the strength with which they share these opinions.  There is boldness.  There is openness.  There is no decision made until there is complete unity.  If they can't reach total unity, the topic is tabled until the future.  They close with prayer, then spend time mingling and usually sharing a refreshment, often it is pie.

I know in our family that Dad and I tried to have family councils. And I've tried to be successful at feeding all of you pie!  But the model for our family councils that we followed was more, "This is what Dad and Mom have decided and we're letting you know."  Due to our ignorance, and lack of understanding that came later with more recent teaching from our leaders, we missed some of the amazing power that comes from counseling in our councils.  I do remember a few times when we felt that goodness and synergy.

If you're thinking we need an updated photo, you're right!

I appreciate all of you with your thoughts and suggestions through the years.  We are grateful for each of you, your talents, strengths and smarts!  This blog is a place to share some ideas and suggestions as well as events from our lives.  Jared's recent post is such an attempt to help us realize some things we may be missing.  It is certainly a challenge with such a big family to stay in touch with everyone's lives.  We know you all are working and striving in your own lives and with your own families.  I know that family reunions help us feel connected too.  I look forward to the one that we're planning for this summer.

What experiences have you had with counseling in councils?  What memories do you have from your growing up years of good or bad family councils?  I'd love to hear from you.

The work is hastening.  Time is accelerating.  We need to be sure to concentrate on the priorities.  You all are our priorities.  We love you!

Mom and Dad

When You Love Someone

When You Love Someone

Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed - Dale Carnegie

So I have a lot to say and I am not quite sure how to say it so let me just start. One of my strongest weaknesses (if that is a thing 😆) is that I am brutally honest when I finally open up to people. It is times like these that I am grateful that God blessed me with the type of personality that I have. 

So here's me being vulnerable about what some of us are too afraid say. At least what I have been too afraid to say.

(P.s. all of these quotes are some of my favorite all time. I have them saved on my phone.)

Trials and Troubles.

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water - Rabindranath Tagore

There is a quote by President Eyring that comes to mind and I think is totally applicable to beginning what I want to say. 

"'Hal, when you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.' Not only was he right, but I have learned over the years that he was too low in his estimate."

What amazes me about this quote is I know for a fact that it is applicable to our family. Yet by show of hands, how many people feel that they have the ability, the safety, and the security to be 100% vulnerable with the general family population?? Tragically, I can't see your hands. But if I could, I would bet money that the answer is close to zero.

WHY?

Why should we feel like we can't share our most personal stories around our family? Shouldn't the family be a place where we are allowed to share anything that we so desire without the feeling like we are going to be judged? Shouldn't we be able to feel like our family are the ones that will have our back the most?

I feel like the reason we do not feel like we can be vulnerable is because there are very few deep, secure relationships in our family.

What is a Secure Relationship?

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. - Thomas Edison

Having a deep, secure relationship with anyone is actually developed by the person that you are trying to develop the relationship with. When you reach out to the person to whom you are trying to get close to, are they:

Accessible/Attentive
Responsive and
Engaged

in the act of you trying to connect with them?

What that means, is when I call or text or connect with someone, are they accessible and attentive to my needs and vulnerability or is it hard to access them? Are they responsive to what I am saying when I do talk to them or do I feel like they don't care? Are they engaged in my problems and concerns or do I feel like they can't be trusted?

If the person reaching out can find consistent positives in each of these three areas to the person they are reaching out to, then they will feel like they can create a deep, emotional, secure relationship. And visa versa.

Problems with the WhatsApp.

It is never too late to be what you might have been - George Eliot.

This is why I left the WhatsApp. I don't know if you all noticed or not. It is NOT because I hate any of you or because I don't want to be an integral part of this family. It is because I do!

There were many many times that I would post on the WhatsApp and not one person would respond back. In fact, usually soon after I would post something, someone else would just post something else and the conversation would go in the other direction without anyone ever commenting on my life update or on something cool that happened to me.

I found myself comparing how people reacted to everyone else's post and how people reacted to mine. I fell into a state of constant comparison

The thing about the WhatsApp is that it accomplishes the purpose of keeping us shallowly connected without ever really feeling like we are deeply connected. It really is just like a social media app for the family. The thing about social media is that it was never meant to allow anyone to connect deeply to one another, but rather just a way for people with deep connections to remain connected over long distances. This becomes the problem with WhatsApp.

What is more is that people never share what they actually feel or what their problems actually are over social media. So like, for example, Heather might be feeling so many hard things with her recent surgery, but rather than open up, share pictures of Mark instead. 

False Sense of Connection

Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage, and our personal progress should be yet another way we witness to the wonder of it all! - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Does anyone know what I dream about at night? 

Does anyone know what Mary's favorite color is? 

What is James's favorite food? 

What keeps Linda Lee going through all of the craziness? 

(On that note, I don't think Linda Lee gets enough credit for how amazing she is. #wonderwomen)

What we've done in only using the WhatsApp is we check the WhatsApp and then we feel like we can check connections off the list. Check--I know what is happening in Joseph's life. Check--I know that Heather had surgery and that it was wildly successful. Check--I know that Bennett is the size of a small tank

In saying all of this, I know that I personally am BEYOND imperfect in connecting to people in my family. That is something I really admire in Joseph. He is really good at connecting to people in the family and letting them know what is going on in his life as well as sincerely asking what is going on in other family member's lives.

I feel like there are probably others of you as well that are still really good at keeping up with some people, but it has to a group effort. How many of you can say that you have best friends who are also family members?? If all of you feel that way, then let me on the boat because I want to feel what that feels like.

Let's STOP finding out what we think is going on in everyone else's life, and START finding our what is actually going on with people! We ask consistently about what we are all doing, but do we ever ask people if they are happy? Do we ever ask if people need anything and then persist until they give us something we can do for them?

Personal Story

Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds - President Gordon B. Hinckley

I don't know how many of you are actually still reading this. I don't know if any of you even feel the same as me about all of this. I could be the only one (with Heather as well because we've talked about it) who feels this way.

But let me tell you a personal story that drives this point home. It is kinda long, but I think someday it will have a really good ending!

When I was 14, I had a huge crush on this girl named Emmy. I think I have always been a hopeless romantic, and have always wanted to form deep connections (especially romantic ones) throughout my whole life.

I didn't have a ton of self confidence and (while avoiding consequence from Mom 😆) felt like if I could "date" this girl (not seriously, but like we would basically be together) then I would have some worth and some validation amongst my peers and more importantly to me back then, amongst my brothers.

Well she was so so kind to me. We became really really good friends, and eventually (tragically) stopped talking almost entirely after I told her that I liked her. It hurt a lot for me back then.

My junior year, same story. Met a girl at a dance, became good friends with her, and once again felt like if I could just be validated, if I could just have a deep connection, then I would finally be worth something. It would be evidence that I was worth loving.

Something you have to understand is the lack of love that I felt entirely back then. No one in our family would tell me that they loved me hardly. That is just not something we, as Ericksons, used to be bad at doing--vocalizing our love.

I also didn't have any friends in high school. I had a couple of Mormon kids that I hung out with, but they would talk bad about me behind my back a lot and make fun of me when they were with me. I didn't have deep connection with anyone.

Finally my senior year (after getting my heart broken again by the junior year girl) I made a true friend in Michael Hardy. He was the first person that I felt I truly made a deep connection with. I will always be grateful for him.

Now on my mission I got a little bit more perspective. High school problems are never quite as big after you get through them. In fact, most of the time high school looks pretty stupid when you look back at it.

On my mission, I made a lot of deep connections with people. I learned to love and be loved deeply by friends who embraced me for who I was and told me so. I have never felt so at home.

Since being home, I have gone on hundreds and hundreds of dates (I used to keep track and then I lost count). I thought that I was going to marry this girl named Carly, I have gone steady with 3 girls, I have kissed 6 girls, and I still am single.

But overall, I have made deep connections with many many friends and people since being home.

More importantly, I know what I want to do with my life, and I am currently in a major that gives me the wings and the capability and the direction to fulfill my dreams.

I have never been so fulfilled. I have never been so happy. I am still single.

Those are the things that you would never see if you didn't take the time to get to know me.

THOSE ARE THE THINGS WE MISS OUT WITH EACH MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!

There are so many stories out there. So many dreams. So many desires. So many hurts. So so so many needs.  

Sometimes it feels like a chore to connect deep to the family. Often I don't even care. But I want to! I want to connect. I want to be best friends and confidants to everyone in the family who wants to. And why not? It's part of what family is for!!

Summary

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment - Jim Rohn

I don't know what the solution is. I'm sure it involves connecting with everyone in the way that they best feel like they can connect deeply. It also involves people making an effort and being willing to be hurt a little. It is going to involve something else besides the WhatsApp. It is going to involve each one of us sharing our strengths and connecting through those strength based avenues.

If we want to be able to share, to be vulnerable, to be open, and to feel deeply connected, it has to come outside the WhatsApp, it has to come from being Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged, and it has to come because we are willing to work at it.

Most people when they talk to me, often the only thing they will ask me is why I'm not married yet or who I am dating. The real answer is, "I don't know why exactly, but what I do know is that I am so much more than the sum of my dating life. I know that I am going to find someone someday who will blow the minds of everyone around me, including me!"

***When you love someone, you are willing to change bad habits, to work at the relationship, to never give up until the end, to never assume the worst, to always let them know that you care.***

I implore all of us to connect to each other deeper. To not just ask the easy questions (what are your classes like? who are you dating?--even though these questions can be a start), but rather to ask the hard ball questions. Are you happy? What do you want out of life? What are your biggest fears? What are your hopes? What are your insecurities? What are your dreams?

I know that if we can do this, we will all be happier in our family.

I LOVE YOU ALL

Your little bro, (uncle, godfather, older brother, and friend)

Jared

Sharing and Defending - "The Family - A Proclamation to the World"

Hello my dear family –

This is my very last semester of school.  Hooray!  An elective class I’m taking, FAML 100, focuses on principles from “The Family – A Proclamation to the World”.  The main project for that course that I chose involves sharing with all of you what I’m learning.  I chose to do it in this format on this blog.

We all know how under attack marriage and family are.  In Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World that Pulls Us Apart, by William Doherty, a book I studied in another class, he discusses the importance of being intentional in our marriages today.  I feel this is so true.  Even for me and Dad, married almost 40 years.  We still have to be aware and intentional in the practices that help our marriage thrive.

We are blessed with a foundational document, the proclamation, that clarifies the importance of marriage and families and more importantly the centrality marriage and family are in our Father’s plan.  I like what Jared recently taught me when we were discussing gays and the Mormon culture.  Jared said that we need to teach our children that in order to be like our Heavenly Father, we need to desire to live in the family unit and to be heterosexual like our Father is.  God’s plan is not for us to glorify Him so much as it is to bring happiness to us.  And we know that happiness comes from being in a family.

To share and defend the principles in “The Family – A Proclamation to the World” I need to be an example of one who is happily married and who is open about the effort I take to make my marriage so.  I need to remind others I meet how our greatest joys, mine and theirs, are found with family relationships.  I may still defend the principles in the proclamation in a non-sectarian way, because of research I’ve studied and evidences I’ve learned.  And even if we don’t know the research data, we can still connect with others when we mention family relationships because we’re all children of God.

One lesson that recently distilled upon me came to me in the temple.  Although this may not completely coincide with defending the principles of the proclamation, I felt to share it with you anyway. 

I think partly due to the way my father led in my home growing up, and partly due to some of my misunderstandings about the role of women, I often just let your dad make all the decisions.  I yielded to him in many things.  Some of it may have been because I spent so many years pregnant and nursing a baby.  He was trying to lighten my load.  But that was a cop-out, unfair to him and to me.   Thankfully he is a man who has never exercised unrighteous dominion and who has constantly kept a completely unselfish perspective.  So there was equity in our lives.  But so often when there were decisions or issues with the children or financial things, or whatever the questions or concerns may have been, I just let him decide.  I burdened him unnecessarily and I limited my growth.  It really wasn’t until he was called as bishop that I began to more fully take a proactive approach in our marriage and family.  I grew more in my abilities and became more “equally yoked”.  My previous patterns may have been a disservice to you older girls.

Thankfully that is changed in the last several years.  It’s another evidence to me that relationships evolve, marriage is a growing and living entity.  Old and unhealthy patterns can be broken.  As I shared from Marion’s funeral, the Savior and His enabling power through His grace and atonement can heal any problem and it’s worth every effort. 

Thanks for letting me share.  I love you all.